IT STARTS AT A YOUNG AGE..............

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.
"How did that happen?" gasped her mother.
"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."

Very Shortened list of Bar Laws.................the quick read before you go out tonight.

1. Never borrow lighters
2. Never give your phone number to the bartender
3. Never agree to be wing man/woman unless you know how to get rid of people
4. Always carry lipgloss and a powder compact
5. Always go to crowded venues (if you don't, you will be a target of atleast three ugly males there)
6. Do NOT try to sing the words of a song you do not know (this applies to every drunk girl thinking she knows the words to More than a Feeling when, clearly, she does not)
7. Never hit on the band member while he's on stage. Seriously, don't try it.
8. Ok, this is a rough subject, but, ladies please. If you are seriously overweight, do not try and pull off a mini skirt with leggings. That's bad.
9. There is a difference between classy cleaveage and porn star cleaveage. FYI: classy-good     porn star-bad
10. It is ok to kiss the boy toys you just met in a bar. Sometimes. But it is never ok to go home with some guy you just met, dear.
11. When enjoying the karaoke, you must never think you are Mariah Carey. No matter WHAT your bestie tells you. Unless of course, you are Mariah Carey.
12. Free beer is good. Free shots are good. Free mixies are good.
13. When a guy offers you free shots, beer and mixies all together that's bad. And you may want to keep your drink with you.
14. Never get on stage with the band. Ever. Even if it is your birthday. Trust me.
15. Get the guy. Get the drinks. Then get outta there. Never give your real phone number. Ever.
16. Learn the man rules of bar flirting so you know what you are up against. They have wing men/women too. So be careful.
17. Never consider going to a different bar WITH a guy. You may go by yourself or your bestie. But you will not go with a guy. This means, in his head, that you are there with him. (essentially ruining the "walk" through the front door)........which is where you make your first impressions.
18. Guys watch the door for prospects. Some men have finally figured out, if a girl comes in with a guy, she's taken. That's why I recommend taking your brother/male cousin with you to a bar if you want to go out but you both want to avoid being hit on.
19. I cannot fully stress this point enough. Do NOT borrow lighters......(seriously, just wear something with pockets so you don't lose yours.)
20. Stuffing things in your bra is sooo 1985 grandma style. You may have nice tatas. But that doesn't mean that the bartender wants to touch money you pull out of your sweaty underboob. Seriously, ladies. Let's be classy....not trashy.
21. If for some reason you think you may be wanting to give him your real phone number.......don't. I don't care...........Don't.

The Rocker and The Cowboy

Hello guys it's Van... yes Van. I couldn't let Vic have all the fun and post all the stories... especially when the good ones are the ones I am sure she would rather not share... like this one. =)
Back around the time of the dinosaurs when Vic and I were both single, we truly were heck on heels. One weekend we were having a hard time decided on where to go. I being the rock and roll diva wanted to check out the new rock cover band and Vic being the 80’s glam diva that she is wanted to check out our regular 80’s rock band. Finally we decided to go see the new rock band on one condition… if I am Vic’s wing woman for any hotties. Now Vic has fabulous taste in guys for the most part and this was a rock concert. If it is tattooed and pierced and has a Mohawk sign me up!!
About half way through the show Vic has her eyes set on none other than the lead singer. Vic is nothing if not efficient in the ways of getting the boy she wants. I kid you not five minutes after deciding he was the one for the night she is at the bar having his best friend buy her drinks and getting filled in on all the dirty gossip. I look on with dread when I notice that while the lead singer is a hot rocker …  the best friend is none other than a dip chewing boots flannel and hat wearing cowboy. Now I understand that for a lot of girls this is very attractive, for me not so much. However, I had dragged Vic to this rock show in promise of being her wing woman so I put on my smile and went forth to do my duty as the band was taking a break. McSinger came right over and Vic started working her magic while I kept McCowboy distracted. Long story short Vic got her free drinks and make out session with the beautiful lead singer and I got a cowboy stalker who got my number out of Vic’s phone and insisted on calling me and leaving me a million messages about his undying love for me. Not cool dude… not cool at all.